Gaudy, Gross, or Just Plain Ugly. This Is The Worst Jewelry Ever!
We've talked a lot about fashion etiquette and most people seem to abide by the popular opinion of what makes jewelry beautiful and flattering. There is always a section of people who insist on going against the grain, sometimes to their extreme detriment. We have compiled some of the worst jewelry ever created. Terrifying creations that boggle the mind as to why someone would willingly wear them...
There are some immediate signs of gross jewelry to be aware of, but no matter what I have to say about any of these jewelry types you should still wear what you like. It's important to care for any of your pieces, no matter how much they make other people recoil. Our ultrasonic jewelry cleaner will clean every nook and cranny of that tooth-necklace! Maybe you can display those gleaming choppers in a personalized jewelry dish?
With all that out of the way, let's get ready for some cringe!
Corporate Branded Jewelry
Jewelry should never have a visible brand. If it does exist, it needs to be incorporated flawlessly. It's not an easy thing to pull off and some jewelry doesn't even try. Nike rings and Supreme bracelets do make me recoil a bit, but the absolute worst jewelry I've ever seen was a gold McDonald's ring with a diamond chip embedded in it. The moment I saw it I started Googling to figure out who would sell something so awful... I found out it was for 10 years of service at McDonalds. Now, I won't knock anyone who works at McDonald's but personally it isn't something that I'd want to advertise. It's generally seen as a stepping-stone job and staying on the same stepping stone for 10 years isn't worth it. You can get one of these rings for $25 on eBay.
Childbirth is a miracle. I love my little ones. But would I ever pay good money to have their desiccated umbilical cords encased into a pendant or ring? Ummm... Probably not. I'm sure there is a market for it since these umbilical jewelry companies keep popping up, and the resultant jewelry doesn't look bad... But I would fear the inevitable question: What's it made of? I'd just take a deep breath, mutter something along the lines of 'my baby', and refuse to discuss it any further. If you think you're brave enough to pull it off then more power to you!
Shark tooth necklace? Cool. Human tooth necklace? Creepy. I'm not sure what it is about teeth that triggers our lizard brain. Have you ever had that stress dream about your teeth falling out? Well, now you can have that disturbed feeling even during your waking hours! Oh joy! I've seen human teeth jewelry like bracelets, earrings, necklaces, and even lighters. All of them look absolutely horrifying for reasons I can't quite define.
Well maintained hair can look amazing, but how would you feel about a choker made of wiry unkempt strands of hair? I briefly dated a person with trichophobia, and if this line of questioning makes you uncomfortable then you might have a light version of this phobia. Hair is scary. If you've ever seen the horror movie The Grudge you might have noticed the creative use of Kayako's hair as a terrifying addition. Why would someone choose to wear hair in such a fashion? Well, that's a mystery to me. At least you'll never need to worry about polishing this jewelry... But maybe it needs a wash every so often? I don't know, and I never will.
Similar to hair and teeth, eyeballs are the last body part that brings on an immediate creepy vibe when viewed separate from the face. I once saw a young man on the metro wearing a skin-colored eyeball watch. It looked like he had an eyeball growing out of his wrist. I'll admit that it made me do a double-take, which might be the goal of most jewelry but I ended up walking away with a deeply unsettled feeling which is absolutely the opposite end game goal.
I see a lot of girls wearing butterflies but in my estimation, those are about the only insects that manage to get a pass when it comes to jewelry. Cockroach necklaces? Segmented millipede rings? Hair ties that look like a bundle of worms? Gross-out jewelry apparently isn't just for Halloween anymore. Granted the majority of these ugly jewelry pieces are more suited to people who identify with a counter-culture. It used to just be skull jewelry, but I guess we felt the need to kick things up a notch.
Believe it or not, clown jewelry is out there. I have no idea who would create something like this. A fear of clowns is called coulrophobia. An estimated 12% of adults in the USA have some form of this phobia. Those that don't suffer from this phobia would still be ill-advised to rock any sort of clown jewelry. It's creep factor is somewhat diminished, but it makes up for that by being gaudy. Multi-colored clown faces absolutely makes for some of the worst jewelry ever.